Fight or flight
by Graveofthefireflies
Summary: This story was inspired by the panic attacks theme from the latest Iron Man movie. No major spoilers though. Tony decides to seek professional help for his PTSD but things do not go exactly to plan.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: I do not own Iron Man or Avengers or any other characters mentioned. Please do not sue me good Marvel people. I come from science and clinical background and my writing skills are not particularly amazing. I like to play around with ideas of characters from film and TV experiencing mental health problems so after seeing Iron Man 3 I just could not resist to develop that theme. Please feel free to comment if you notice any issues be it with grammar or the story line itself. Enjoy. :)**

Tony was exhausted after yet another sleepless night. He looked absentminded on an unfinished project on his desk. Amongst a pile of papers he noticed a small card with name and phone number. Pepper and Bruce have been trying to convince him to get some help for his anxiety for weeks. Bruce did his best to help but he was not this kind of doctor, as he put it. He wanted Tony to see a specialist. Dr Sullivan was a rising star in the field of PTSD research. He worked closely with the military and had the necessary clearance. May as well give it a go, he thought.

Tony mustered the courage to go. He did not call to make an appointment however. Too much faff. He decided to just turn up at the office. The receptionist tried to stop him but he pushed by her with confident smile. He stopped short at the door of the office. He must be in the wrong place. He was expecting to find a male psychiatrist. Instead behind the desk there was a youngish looking woman. For a minute he entertained a thought that she might be a secretary or personal assistant. However she looked a little bit too comfortable leaning back in the huge chair with legs resting on top of the desk. She raised her eyebrows in surprise and looked at the secretary that was just behind him.

'I … tried… to tell… him… not without… an… appointment'... she gasped.

Plump lady in her forties was clearly struggling to catch her breath after a brisk run down the corridor. She took an inhaler out of her pocket and took a deep breath. Tony could hear a loud wheeze as she slowly exhaled. Watching the woman struggle made him suddenly uncomfortable with his own breath catching at the back of his throat. He quickly shifted his attention away from her focusing instead on the smart interior of the office.

'It's OK Gemma. I will take it from here. Why don't you take a break? I think you should swing by the clinic room and see Debbie. It sounds like you may need a nebuliser.'

'Thanks Doc.' Gemma turned around and gave Tony an evil look. She took another puff of her inhaler and disappeared down the corridor muttering to herself about useless security guards.

'Now, how can I help you Mr Stark?'Nicola was slightly irritated by the interruption to her lunch break, this sort of thing was a daily occurrence during her training in busy hospitals but now she was supposed to be enjoying a relaxing 6 months of sabbatical. Emergency consults were definitely nowhere on the agenda. It's just medicine for you though, she thought, quickly dismissing her annoyance. She was also somewhat intrigued. It wasn't everyday occurrence to have celebrities storming into her office. 'Hello, Mr Stark?'As she focused her attention she realised that Tony's gaze was somewhat unfocused and his rate of breathing was increasing rapidly.

'I have clearly missed the memo informing me that I have been transformed into a respiratory physician in my sleep. Are you also an asthmatic?'Tony shook his head vigorously to indicate 'no' but no matter how hard he tried to wards were coming out of his mouth. Nicola thought for a second and a flash of recognition appeared on her face. Aha, she thought, if that what residing in this office is going to be like I may look for alternatives. Dr Sullivan reassured her that he made arrangements for all his patients and all he asked was that she kept an eye on his precious office plants. Sounded like a perfect arrangement, whilst her office was renovated. Obviously her friend was not exactly forthcoming with a possibility of urgent emergencies appearing on her doorstep.

'Are you here to see Dr Sullivan?'That's the man he was looking for. Tony nodded vigorously in agreement. Hopefully he is simply in the wrong office and this whole embarrassing confusion can be sorted quickly. No matter how hard he tried to convince Pepper and Bruce that he was fine his panic attacks were quickly becoming unbearable.

'It may not be a best time to tell you that but he is giving a series of lectures… in Europe… for 6 months…' Nicola watched as Tony slowly slid down the door frame to the floor. 'There are many other excellent PTSD specialists that I will be only too happy to recommend. Let's deal with the urgent matter on hand first though. If you carry on breathing at this rate any longer you will get nasty pin and needles all over. Try to focus on my voice, OK? You are in a safe place, everything is under control. All we need to do now is work together on slowing your breathing right down. 'Nicola sat herself on the floor in front of Tony making sure that he can see her face clearly. 'What I want you to do is take a breath in for 5 seconds, hold it for 3 and exhale for 7. I will count and model it for you. Just try to approximate what I'm doing. It will take a few minutes but you will get there, alright?'

Tony could hardly see with the office floating away from him and intrusive flashbacks trying to force their way in. He tried to listen to the woman. She sounded calm and reassuring. He could hear her counting in a steady, monotonous way. Minutes went past. It seemed like hours but he gradually started feeling calmer. Doctor's face came into focus. She was breathing calmly and counting. What did she say, inhale for 7? Tony was trying to remember the instructions but than just resorted to coping what she was doing. 'Vitals, Jarvis' he said quietly. 'You are doing well, Sir. Your heart beat and respiration rate are slowing down and carbon dioxide levels in your blood are backs within normal level. I suggest that you continue to follow Dr Taylor's instructions, Sir'. Did he programme Jarvis to always collude with the professionals? Feeling better Tony got off the floor abruptly and decided to leave as soon as possible. He wanted to be back in his lab where he felt safe, at least most of the time.

'Are you feeling a bit better?' Nicola also got herself up and was now looking at Tony in that professional, reassuring way that he has often seen Bruce do. 'Yes, thank you. Sorry for all the trouble. I will be on my way out now. Please feel free to send me a bill. I fully expect it to be extraordinary considering it was an unscheduled appointment and the… ehm… collateral damage to your employee. ' It is a pro bono clinic Mr Stark but I think I will consider an exception to this policy. Tony could swear that he has seen a mischievous smile on Nicola's face but it disappeared in a blink of the eye to be replaced by the look of professional concern. 'How did you get here Mr Stark? Have you got a chauffeur or some sort of robot thingy-magica to take you places?' ' Ehm… no, I have driven myself.' 'I thought so.' Nicola glanced again through the window at a sports car parked nonchalantly across two disabled spaces and blocking in some poor soul's Mitsubishi. 'It may be better than if you take a sit and make sure you recover fully. I don't think you are fit to drive just yet'. Tony considered this for a second. His breathing calmed down but his hands were still shaking uncontrollably, his mouth was dry and he could feel a nasty headache coming on. 'Well if it is not too much trouble I could do with a glass of water'. He was fully expecting to be banished into a waiting room to face the receptionist again but Nicola led him to adjacent room, which was furnished comfortably with sofas and array of huge cushions scattered across the floor. He took a glass of water offered to him and sat on the sofa planning to rest just for few minutes. 'Take your time.' Nicola gave him an encouraging smile and disappeared back to her office, quietly closing the heavy door behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony came round slowly wondering where he was. He looked around the smartly furnished interior and focused on diplomas and prizes displayed on the walls in mahogany frames. All belonged to someone called Dr Sullivan. "No wonder they want the guy to do a bloody tour of Europe with his show" he thought. Tony got up and was glad to realise that his headache was gone and he felt quite refreshed. He looked out of the window, sun was going down. "That was a long nap, the good doctor is bet to be getting impatient to get rid of me."

As he approached the heavy doors dividing two office spaces he realised that Nicola was not alone. He could hear her talking with a child, who sounded probably about 5 years old. It seemed to him that they were playing house or something similar. "It is not that surprising really, why wouldn't she have a child." Tony was about to knock on the doors and enter when he heard the child scream suddenly and start recount the sort of trauma that he would never expect a small child to be a part off. He quickly backed off embarrassed that he has intruded on a clearly very private interaction. He sat back down, as far away from the doors as possible. "Jarvis play me the 'Mob Rules' album and make it loud." He definitely did not want to hear any more of the screams or the story. Half an hour must have passed before he noticed the door open. He could not hear the knocking over the heavy metal musing blaring in his ear.

"Black Sabbath? Good choice, bit loud though". Nicola had her suspicions as to why Tony decided to deafen himself with music. It was not an ideal situation that he was still around when she had another patient next door. "I didn't want to intrude on that girl privacy… kind of awkward all round…" Tony felt himself grimace at the recollection of the snippets of the conversation and horrific screams that reached his ears.

"We were working on anger management; long way to go really…" Tony had a look around the office as they moved next door and was shocked by the devastation. Large doll house in the middle of the room remained intact but the inhabitants fared less well. The floor was covered in little mutilated bodies. Nicola gave Tony a careful looked concerned for a second that this may trigger some battle scene memories or other disturbing flashbacks but he looked calm and relaxed. "You would think that they made those therapy dolls a bit more robust." Nicola sighed as she deposited a neat pile of casualties on her desk. "Take a sit, I will give you a list of PTSD specialist, there are quite a few based locally." Tony watched as Nicola logged into her computer and scrolled through some files. He picked up the dolls one by one and busied himself reattaching heads and limbs in an absent minded fashion.

"Could I not just carry on seeing you instead?" He asked quietly. "Jarvis told me that you are an expert in area of PTSD yourself." He thought that it was a long shot considering his behaviour in the morning but he was not sure if he could face meeting another therapist. The more people out there knew about his 'problem' the more uncomfortable he felt. Plus she seemed like someone he could get along with, easy going kind of person. "I thought the props gave it away Mr Stark. I am a child psychiatrist. I am sure though that one of my colleagues will be able to help." She handed him a print out and stood up to indicate that this consultation was over.


End file.
